Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Haiku Review: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

by Brian McGackin

Book two!

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Chapter 1: The Worst Birthday

Remember Harry
Potter? Apparently his
friends don't. Bummer, kid.

Chapter 2: Dobby's Warning

Elf Dobby warns, "Don't
go back to Hogwarts," breaks stuff.
Harry: house arrest.

Chapter 3: The Burrow

Twin gingers and Ron
kidnap starving Harry, bring
him to magic house.

Chapter 4: At Flourish and Blotts

Back to school shopping
gone wrong: fist fights, expensive
books, fireplace travel.

Chapter 5: The Whomping Willow

Ron breaks his wand; that's
what you get when you fly a
car into a tree...

Chapter 6: Gilderoy Lockhart

Mrs. Weasley sends
Ron angry voicemail. New prof.
Lockhart is a tool.

Chapter 7: Mudbloods and Murmurs

Ron voms slugs, Harry
hears voices, Slytherins get
new brooms from Malfoy.

Chapter 8: The Deathday Party

Nearly Headless Nick
throws killer party. Cat found
hanging out half dead.

Chapter 9: The Writing on the Wall

Hermione stops
ghost prof.'s lecture, asks about
Chamber of Secrets.

Chapter 10: The Rogue Bludger

Freak sports accident
takes Harry's right arm. First-year
Colin petrified.

Chapter 11: The Dueling Club

Lockhart makes kids fight;
Hufflepuff fauxttacked by snake,
then attacked for real.

Chapter 12: The Polyjuice Potion

What's Christmas without
forced puberty, drugged tweens, and
identity theft?

Chapter 13: The Very Secret Diary

Who is Tom Riddle?
Why was his diary thrown
down a girls' toilet?

Chapter 14: Cornelius Fudge

Hagrid arrested!
Dumbledore kicked out of school!
And Hermione...!

Chapter 15: Aragog

Harry, Ron almost
killed by spiders in Forest;
flying car saves them.

Chapter 16: The Chamber of Secrets

Broken bathroom leads
to Chamber of Secrets where
Ginny Weasley lies.

Chapter 17: The Heir of Slytherin

Memory Voldy
thwarted by Harry; magic
bird real hero, though.

Chapter 18: Dobby's Reward

All's well that ends with
a house elf being handed
a wet freedom sock.

I guess Hogwarts needs
a new Defense Against the
Dark Arts Professor...

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