by Brian McGackin
Book two!
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Chapter 1: The Worst Birthday
Remember Harry
Potter? Apparently his
friends don't. Bummer, kid.
Chapter 2: Dobby's Warning
Elf Dobby warns, "Don't
go back to Hogwarts," breaks stuff.
Harry: house arrest.
Chapter 3: The Burrow
Twin gingers and Ron
kidnap starving Harry, bring
him to magic house.
Chapter 4: At Flourish and Blotts
Back to school shopping
gone wrong: fist fights, expensive
books, fireplace travel.
Chapter 5: The Whomping Willow
Ron breaks his wand; that's
what you get when you fly a
car into a tree...
Chapter 6: Gilderoy Lockhart
Mrs. Weasley sends
Ron angry voicemail. New prof.
Lockhart is a tool.
Chapter 7: Mudbloods and Murmurs
Ron voms slugs, Harry
hears voices, Slytherins get
new brooms from Malfoy.
Chapter 8: The Deathday Party
Nearly Headless Nick
throws killer party. Cat found
hanging out half dead.
Chapter 9: The Writing on the Wall
Hermione stops
ghost prof.'s lecture, asks about
Chamber of Secrets.
Chapter 10: The Rogue Bludger
Freak sports accident
takes Harry's right arm. First-year
Colin petrified.
Chapter 11: The Dueling Club
Lockhart makes kids fight;
Hufflepuff fauxttacked by snake,
then attacked for real.
Chapter 12: The Polyjuice Potion
What's Christmas without
forced puberty, drugged tweens, and
identity theft?
Chapter 13: The Very Secret Diary
Who is Tom Riddle?
Why was his diary thrown
down a girls' toilet?
Chapter 14: Cornelius Fudge
Hagrid arrested!
Dumbledore kicked out of school!
And Hermione...!
Chapter 15: Aragog
Harry, Ron almost
killed by spiders in Forest;
flying car saves them.
Chapter 16: The Chamber of Secrets
Broken bathroom leads
to Chamber of Secrets where
Ginny Weasley lies.
Chapter 17: The Heir of Slytherin
Memory Voldy
thwarted by Harry; magic
bird real hero, though.
Chapter 18: Dobby's Reward
All's well that ends with
a house elf being handed
a wet freedom sock.
I guess Hogwarts needs
a new Defense Against the
Dark Arts Professor...
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