Old Man Drinks (Robert Schnakenberg)

Are you a man? Not just a male, but a man? A really manly man's MAN? Yeah, me neither. I'm working on it, though. I have a feeling that this book is going to help me out quite a bit.

Synopsis

Old Man Drinks: Recipes, Advice, and Barstool Wisdom is a very manly book. From front to back, it is filled with nothing but alcoholic beverage recipes that old guys drink, things you've always wanted to try but had no idea what they were or when to order them. Drinks like the Algonquin, the Mint Julep, the Hot Toddy; sure, maybe you've had one once before, but did you even know what you were drinking? Old Man Drinks has the recipes, histories, and perfect occasions for each drink, all in a delightful, pocket-sized hardcover. That's not even the best part, though. The greatest thing about this book is that the author, Robert Schnakenberg, went around to different bars and interviewed actual old guys, and their pictures and comments are strewn throughout the book. Now, these aren't your usual pearls of wisdom dished out Benjamin Franklin-style by some lofty philosopher. These are curmudgeonly drunks with skewed and inappropriate views on life. Take for example Dennis, a 67-year-old musician:

There are times you drink 'til you fall on your face. Then there are times when you drink and someone else falls on your face. Here's hoping I have more of those times.

Or this gem, from 65-year-old Gary, a retired marketing manager:

Scotch goes well with anything, especially marriage.

Or my personal favorite, a lovely little anecdote from Richie, a retired limo driver:

My wife told me I should go out because it was nice out today. I said, "Why? I'm 84 years old. By now I know what a nice day looks like."

Quality.

Rating
Old Man Drinks: Recipes, Advice, and Barstool Wisdom
by Robert Schnakenberg

I never had a threesome, but it's bound to happen soon.

—Fred, 90, retired janitor

Honestly, there isn't much else to say about the book. If you're into drinking, recipes, or old guys, or know someone who is into drinking, recipes, or old guys, it's pretty much guaranteed to please. It's perfect for the elderly alcoholic looking to expand his palate, or the hipster college kid who wants to be cool by constantly asking bartenders for obscure cocktails, like the Mary Pickford (2 ounces light rum, 2 ounces pineapple juice, 1 teaspoon grenadine, 1 teaspoon Maraschino liquer, lime twist, shake well with ice). I will leave you with this final piece of advice, however, from Peter, a 77-year-old floor manager:

Here's to you and yours, and to mine and ours, and if you and yours ever comes across cross mine and ours, then may you and yours do the...wait, or is it the...ah, to hell with it. I could never remember any of that damn stuff anyway. Best to be original, right?